A change is as good as another change

With the coming of t’intelweb, Kindle, Audible and such, the joys of handling a good book has very much fallen from fashion.

But I’m very much Old Skuwl. Animal Farm, Stig of the Dump, The Pictures of Dorian Gray, The 1968-69 Fairs Cup Story, Tufty’s Pot of Paint – and the rest of The Hopping Wood saga. All prominent on the ancestral bookcase along with my all-time favourite – admittedly less of a book and more of a lengthy short story.

The Tortoise and the Hare never disappoints, indeed it’s as much a fable for today as SMS, LOL, Tik-tok and sexting, despite being written in 1867.

First to venture on to the verdant uplands of information, opinion and grammatical gymnastics which are The Dirt Xtra! was that legendary fast-starter Mythman, Mr Black being closely followed by Wil-E Coyote’s former risk assessment assessor and forward planning consultant Mr Barrie with young doe, speedway’s favourite little thumper, Mrs Charalambous, a close third.

Differing takes but shared themes. Glasgow, horror crash, cup departure, brave battle by those left standing, guests, Newcastle, heat 10, Jim McGregor – what an utterly … individualistic decision maker, Leon, GB, Redcar, fitness battles, more guests, Poole, weather.

All the top quality insight you’d expect from such a dedicated bunch of bloggers, a trio who wear their loyalty to the black and gold proudly on their sleeves. As the saying goes if you chop Dick Barrie down the middle he’ll bleed – and you’ll very likely be charged with senicide.

But I digress.

Lumbering out of gate four after a short break in Morpeth – just as an aside if anyone ever tells you that there must be plenty of interesting things to do in Morpeth you can categorically inform them, quite forcibly if necessary, that they are very, very wrong – comes the tortoise.

Which, just in case you aren’t quite following, is me. (Cue much messageboard  wailing and gnashing of dentures. “Another personal blog that’s all about him. Stopped reading ten years ago. Drivel. A complete and utter cult – Lee Child”.

Like a geriatric pilot fish or goby I’m able to hoover up the bits that have fallen off the big fish and send informed speculation straight up to bed without even a glass of milk or a kind word.

Because, unlike my prompter bloggeagues who had to indulge in supposition and informed guesswork, I know that Dani has had to give up on his battle to be fit, that not only did Jye avoid the widely suspected and feared multiple broken bones but he found time between bed baths and pain medication to compile a column for Saturday’s programme – £3, available from all good Shielfield Park box offices, cash turnstiles and snack bars, also available as a piece of performance art choreographed by Arlene Phillips in which the words of Jamie Courtney are spoken by Jason Statham, Gary Flint by Vinnie Jones, Your history section by Shakespeare’s Sister, Mythman by Mel Gibson and Dick Barrie by Marcel Marceau.

I also know that the visit to Redcar was called off early in the day (rearranged for August 29, a Sunday afternoon) which was especially disappointing for Greg Blair who was due to make his second Bandits’ debut (would that be a rebut?) as a National League guest for Leon following the withdrawal of Ashley Morris (who was to have guested for Dani with r/r for Leon. Paco Castagne filling Jye’s Daytonas).

But just to show how quickly things can change even when I started this nonsense Ricky Wells and Cameron Heeps were booked in as guests against the Pirates who were due to unveil Danish signing Benjamin Basso on their northern tour. Basso, the replacement for Ortej Smetanta who couldn’t get a work permit to take the place of Zane Kelleher who could but was released because there was a y in the month – or maybe the Pirates are following the Glasgow revolving door blueprint. Anyway BB was locked and loaded with the required entry paperwork only to light up both C and T on his Covid test strip.

Instead of the joys of Armadale, Shielfield and Brough he’s isolating back home and Jason Edwards, of Eastbourne until last week but now a Plymouth Gladiator in place of Jack Smith, who replaced Luke Ruddick who … while Newcastle’s James Wright replaces Ben Cook, injured guesting for Redcar against Newcastle.

Phew.

But wait, what’s that you say Sooty?

There’s going to be a deluge on the south coast this Saturday, Eastbourne don’t fancy the percentages and called off the scheduled visit of Birmingham on Thursday morning. But surely that means that Tom Brennan’s at a loose end on Saturday. That would be 2021 British under-21 Champion Tom Brennan, the man who’s piling up points for Great Britain, Belle Vue and Eastbourne this season.

The man who fancies a trip from Swindon to Shielfield and the chance to don the world famous black and gold.

So it’s Wells and Brennan guesting now against the Pirates, who were rained off in West Lothian and the hope that Saturday is one of those dry days we used to have.

Start 7pm, tickets from elsewhere on the website, cash turnstile operating, gates open 5.30pm to allow our south coast guests to enjoy some proper fodder and make a prompt start on our popular two quid a drink promotion at the Ducket and H bars.

Meanwhile I’m off to have the shell re-lacquered and decaled.