A rouble for your thoughts

Credit where it’s due, the sporting world has acted swiftly where many politicians and financial regulators have dithered in response to the deepening crisis in Ukraine.

After a James Sargeant-esque start-line twitch as, briefly, the Paralympics and World Cup seemed prepared to allow Russia to compete – provided they didn’t call themselves Russia, carry a flag or celebrate to Alexander Alexandrov’s greatest hit – but eventually banned them as a country and individually.

Other sports followed their lead with the FIM cancelling Grand Prix for Formula 1 and speedway while a number of Russian Federation athletes found themselves as outcasts at club and team level – including Artem Laguta and Emil Sayfutdinov.

Oh and Chelski are up for sale with Roman Abramovic looking to offload the Premier League side as the threat of sanctions threatens to make him a considerably less wealthy man.

News generally well received news although a section of west London fans voiced their displeasure along with former captain John Terry, a pretty unlovable alliance even before last weekend. Let’s face it if Ian Hindley or Peter Sutcliffe had been able to bankroll a football club some sections of their fanbase would have turned themselves inside out finding a way to whitewash transgressions and accept their cash.

Those of us with a sense of morality and a black and white outlook have to stare intently at our boots and cough nervously regularly these days. “If you don’t want to know how the money was acquired … then look away now”.

Especially at the top levels of football there is very little truly “clean” money – even Norwich are bankrolled by a TV chef whose views on hard-boiling eggs are authoritarian to say the least and allow no room for dissent. Who can forget the chilling but thankfully unanswered “Let’s be avin ya” call to invade Ipswich?

Bournemouth and Everton were among other English clubs left counting the cost of involvement with oligarchs while Aeroflot were relieved at having been dumped by Manchester United before Sunday’s debacle sullied their reputation.

The full impact of sport’s show of displeasure at Comrade Putin’s war games remains to be seen but the fact that Chinese TV blacked out Premier League matches rather than transmit English football’s support for Ukraine suggests there is fear about the power of sport to drive opinion among the masses.

If only our political leaders were so selfless.

Although it was nice to see Berwick’s MP, the lesser-spotted Anne-Marie Trevelyan,  front and centre again after what seems an age. Fair to say it’s not often AMT finds herself mentioned in the same breath as Boris Johnson, Rishi Sunak, Alok Sharma and Brandon Lewis but there she was, on the front page of every right-winger’s wet dream, the Daily Mail no less.

In a list of 14 government ministers who accepted substantial donations from Russian oligarchs.

In her case it was “just” £20,000 from former Boris Yeltsin associate, North-east based energy mogul Alexander Temerko. In fairness our “beloved” MP’s benefactor has been a vocal Putin critic – not least el-Presidentski’s efforts, rejected by the British High Court, to have him extradited to Russia to face charges of stolen shares, forgery and perverting the course of justice.

With all that’s on their plates at the moment it’s comforting to know that MPs managed to rally and vote through an inflation-busting wage rise for themselves. What with access to Russian cash and lucrative appearances as guests on Alex Salmond’s ratings-busting Russia Today chat show now off limits there was a danger that our venerated parliamentarians would find themselves falling on hard times in the bleak House of Commons.

Indeed there was a real threat of the unedifying sight of them shuffling into their heavily subsidised Fortnum and Mason’s foodbank to claim their weekly handout.

Fortunately now averted, snouts firmly returned to supplemented trough.

Strange times indeed, not least as I found myself uttering a phrase which I never though would pass my lips: “You’ve got to feel sorry for the Scottish footballers”.

Because they were due to play a Qatar 2022 World Cup qualifying semi-final at Hampden Park later this month … against Ukraine.

Now the heart says the Scots should concede the tie – and with a principled coach such as Steve Clarke at the helm such a selfless act is not beyond the realms of possibility – with whoever from Austria or Wales qualifies from the other semi-final also stepping aside to allow Oleksandr Petrakov’s side an unimpeded route to Qatar.

But the head says that’s neither likely nor practical. In a good old political compromise the tie has now been postponed until the summer and fingers very firmly crossed that everyone is in a better – or at least their own – place by then.

With the world begging for diplomatic genius perhaps the United Nations and fellow arbitration organisations could approach Championship speedway’s new kid on the block the British Speedway Network – or whoever is responsible for overseeing their social media presence.

Whether that be BSN founders Martin Hunter, Ben Duffill or an anonymous responder I doff my chapeau to his or her’s ability to deal with the frothing masses of our great sport’s twitterati while maintaining professionalism, decorum and humour while offering assistance. Some of the questions they’ve had to deal with do make you wonder how some manage to get legs through two separate pants’ legs in a morning – or if, indeed they do.

If you can soothe their savage queries then a solution to the Russia/Ukraine conflict should be a doddle – sign them up now.

Which is what I’ve done with the BSN, the next seven months seeing an exceptionally reasonable £17.99 departing my Bank of Vladivostock Rising Rouble account in return for at least four live meetings per month. Beginning with the visit of Birmingham’s Brummies to Shielfield on April 2.

Which means that the Bandits now follow in the tyre tracks of the Bullets who got 2021 rolling with a livestreamed NDL battle against Armadale.

After 2020s British Under-21 Final this will be Shielfield’s third streaming extravaganza – albeit the first time the cameras and commentators have had to compete with the good, the great, the unwashed and the third bend as the other two were behind closed doors.

One thing that has caused some discussion is the choice of opening fixtures by the broadcasters. I think the fourth speaks for itself. Oxford v Poole has all the hallmarks of a real humdinger in front of a full house at Cowley.

Now I’m not party to the thought processes of the BSN boys and girls but one thing that does jump out about the three opening fixtures is they are all at clubs – Berwick, Glasgow and Redcar – with a history of successfully hosting livestreams and three stadiums where access is unrestricted by non-speedway issues.

Hardier souls will be breaking the bottle of champagne on the 2020 season at Scunthorpe in just 12 days’ time. We’ll wait until April.

Who knows Anne-Marie might even put on her ushanka, smother one of Anderson’s legendary growlers in tomato sauce at Helen’s Ducket Bistro, crack a can of Carling and cheer on her constituency’s number one sporting team from the third bend.

She could claim it back on expenses anyway.