Ethel’s done a runner

Some wish it could be Christmas every day, others that it’s Sunderlandbottleanotherplayoff every day.

Dany is probably one of the few people in the world wishing it could be Scunthorpe every day.

Our very own Archduke officially announced himself as a rider of substance in April 2017 with 16+1 in a losing cause from the reserve berth. The following year it was 8+3 as a full-fledged – and considerably less hairy – main team man, 2019 it was 13+2, 2021 15+1.

That’s no mean record at all.

Co-incidentally the Gapp-meister managed 14+1 when Leicester came, saw and were beaten in the Championship in 2019.

And we need to see that level of Dany boy again this weekend when we face a Leicesterian double test.

Last time we managed a league season, Leicester won it. Championship, National League. Two play-off finals, two wins. Glasgow and Eastbourne put to the sword respectively.

They begin this season as many’s hot tip to do it again despite an enforced rebuilding programme.

Now we’ve already had one of those double-header extravaganza thingies this season and – although Jye in particular may disagree – it went pretty well. Despite a couple of big crashes track officials managed to keep the show on the road and get all 30 heats raced before the curfew.

Now many among you probably believe that our two-minute warning is a recording but this blog can exclusively reveal that it is voiced live by Ethel Fisher-Diescu – world renowned Aretha Franklin impersonator and one of the world’s rare female baritones who, fortunately for us, happens to live near Prior chippy.

Admittedly Ethel was sounding less Tito Gobbi and more Kermit T Frog by the end of opening night having been called on 48 times in the space of three hours.

And Ethel won’t be with us this weekend. She suddenly remembered a previous engagement on Tuesday having been given advanced access to the declared teams for this weekend and was last seen heading out of town on the X18 muttering hashtag BatesDouglasProctorfirstbendrerunchaos.

So it’s back to the trusty old recording. We hope to have Eth back for Redcar next Saturday.

Last year we met the Lions twice – Championship Shield semi and league – and it would be fair to say that the combination of Josh Bates, Ryan Douglas and Jye Etheridge had, ahem, a few first bend problems on both occasions.

But that was nowt compared to the Proctor that is Ty. June 2018 it was. Workington Comet Proctor, guesting for former club Redcar at Shielfield. Heat 13.

Proctor, Thomas Jorgensen, Aaron Summers, Nicolaj Busk Jacobsen at the tapes. Eight re-runs, two tapes’ exclusions – including Messrs Proctor and Summers – a huge pearler for Nathan Greaves on the back straight. 40 minutes to run one heat.

Last time Nick Morris was in town he was guesting for Eastbourne and had a bird’s eye view at Jye and NBJ went grasstracking.

No wonder Ethel’s left town.

The only surprise is that young Etheridge played no part in the 2018 proceedings. It’s not like him to be missing when something extraordinary is occurring.

Two extra metres in width will greet all four riders when they arrive at turn one on Saturday. History suggests that every inch will be used.

NBJ finally won that “epic” and will line up at number one for the first time tonight, having pipped Aaron by hundredths of a point in the latest rolling averages.

We last saw a decidedly battered Jye still picking up useful points but he was much more like the Scrappy-Doo we know and love in Belle Vue’s Bank Holiday extravaganza against Peterborough.

All six Bandits need to be on the pace tonight – Leon has managed to slip Poland and Redcar – guesting for Anders Rowe – between his last outings.

It’s another double bubble for him and Kyle both Saturday and the return fixtures in the Midlands on Sunday.

Then Plymouth – rocked by injuries to Jason Crump and Henry Atkins – and Poole before Redcar visit Shielfield next Saturday.

That’s a helluva schedule but one that could realistically see the Bandits picking up points left, right and centre.

We are certainly dialled into the new Shielfield and with Poole not having raced yet at Wimborne Road and the Gladiators having to bed in riders new to British speedway there is a real possibility of the Bandits bringing something tangible back north.

But first Lions and Cubs to tame.

Gates open at 4pm and with a big crowd anticipated supporters are encouraged to leave plenty of time for their socially distanced entry.

First race is 6.30pm and there will be no delays with so much to pack into the night.