Just as I predicted … mostly

Disturbing news in the post this week.

I’ve been summoned to a disciplinary hearing by the Society of Advanced Dystopian Divining Obedience. Additionally the Nostradamus Society has suspended my right to practise, I’ve been expelled from the Baba Vanga club and blackballed by the Practitioners of Precognition (Berwick-upon-Tweed, Heckmondwike and Slaithwaite Branch).

The charge is a level seven breach, to wit “recklessly and without forethought making unsustainable utterances of finality in a built-up area, during the hours of darkness thereby bringing the organisations into disrepute by inviting scorn and opprobrium upon them”. It’s about as bad as it can get for a professional soothsayer.

I should have seen it coming.

There’s also a supplementary charge of failing to maintain a standing order for the society’s monthly Mother Shipton Lottery – 2027 winners to be announced tomorrow.

Worst case scenario? A life ban from making public substantive predictive proclamations, without parole but it could have been much, much worse. Until recently they had the power to force me to un-ignore posters on the British Speedway Forum. Fortunately, Lord Godfrey of Brigg, sitting in the Court of Appeal, ruled that to be: “cruel and unusual punishment” and the message board Sword of Damocles no longer dangles above my head.

My defence will be my other 2021 foretelling: Newcastle United takeover falls through; Celtic or Rangers win Scottish Prem; Sunderland remain in the third circle of hell; Andy Carroll injured; a dog to win the greyhound derby. All 100 per cent accurate. They will again form the basis of next year’s Old Twempies’ Almanac.

I’ve yet to find out who dobbed me in but I will happily argue that I was at least three-quarters’ correct with last week’s Dirt Xtra offering. Can anyone really argue that Birmingham didn’t “give us some genuine problems”? Or that the NDL side will be unbeatable on Berwick shale in 2021?

Guilty on the bulletproof Bandits’ though.

There was a lot to be proud of on Saturday. A huge amount of work done by a small band of absurdly dedicated management and volunteers to ensure that everything was to the satisfaction of the local council.

When they’d achieved that the green light was given to allow spectators into Shielfield again. But only under pretty strict conditions.

Which didn’t suit everyone. However, most accepted the request to arrive a little earlier, bought tickets in advance and left in a socially responsible and suitably satisfied manner.

One of the drawbacks of being a Saturday boy-type helper-outer is that you don’t always get to see what’s happening on-track. We were still trying to clear the inevitable late arrivals as the Bandits roared out of the blocks. 10-2 ahead after heat two. Going to script.

Programmes were still being sold when a squeal, a collective groan and a stunned silence suggested that something not quite right had happened with heat three.

A glance around the side of the box office revealed an ambulance and medical team surrounding a prone rider halfway down the back straight. Never a good place to see the aftermath of a crash. The glimpse of a red helmet cover identified it as Jye.

Of course Jye and our back straight has previous. In fairness most of the Shielfield fence panels and Jye have previous but at least this time there was no deep gouge across the football pitch – or a Danish team-mate tumbling in his wake.

And, from previous experience, we all know that Jye is speedway’s answer to Tigger: made out of rubber and springs. Except this time he wasn’t able to bounce back and, looking decidedly second-hand, had to call it a night. Not in the script.

Sport is all about what-ifs but I just have that tingly feeling that Saturday was set up for Jye. The kind of surface he revels on. Big names to be left trailing in his dust. A big crowd ready to roar him on and share his glory.

Not to be. Script torn up, shredded and thrown in the recycling bin.

However, when you force your opposition to use a tactical substitution in heat nine as a rule your hunkeys are all dorey. When that race launches three successive 1-5s your woes start to be isme’d.

So we then had to use a tac sub only for Leon’s bike to let him down with Aaron out in front. Result on paper a bit of a spanking and an early run-out from the doom-mongers and nay-sayers.

Track changes dismissed on the evidence of one night. I half expected the fictional “family of friends” which has been persuaded to attend a Bandits’ home match for the first time in years only to vow “never to come back ever again” following the trauma suffered by watching a defeat to make their much-anticipated appearance.

Maybe they’re still self-isolating or on fantasy furlough. I’ve searched high and low through T’interweb land but can’t find them. Perhaps they suffered a virtual family break-up in Madeupland, or sent to prison for illegal gambling on fantasy football. Maybe their inventor had forgotten about them after so long without live speedway to whinge about.

Anyway the joy of double-headers is that if you aren’t happy with the first result there’ll be another one along in a minute – or rather two minutes and counting.

Good job we’ve left Europe and those pesky maximum working conditions for teenagers don’t apply otherwise we’d have been facing sanctions over Leon and Kyle’s workload.

One, the other – or both – appeared in 12 of the 15 Championship races and a further eight in the NDL match. Twenty of the night’s 30 races featured either Bickley K or/and Flint L. That is a shift-and-a-half and both thoroughly deserved their spoils on the night, especially the second match maximums. Leon celebrated by heading to the workshop, washing down the bikes and taking a guest booking for Plymouth at Scunny the next day.

It would be fair to say that the second part of the equation was the more entertaining affair not least – but not solely – because of Greg Blair. His two races with Benji Compton were superb, team-riding Ben Rathbone to his first Bullets race win majestic and celebrations heart-warmingly bonkers.

Ben also suffered a nasty fall, one of a couple in the match, while the Watson/Douglas heat two machine rolls on, Our Mase finishing the night with paid double figures. Colt and Bandits’ Academy man Sam McGurk also had a good night as he looked fast, incredibly composed for a 15-year-old in his first 500cc season and managed to ride a previously undiscovered route from gate two to the first bend, henceforth to be known as The McGurk(S) Line.

It was a good end to a decent night’s entertainment. The 30^th heat just sneaking in before curfew.

To catch our breath we’ve gone for a single meeting this Saturday, a 7pm start, programmes for all to be bought for cash on the gate or by card at the main snack bar and gates opening at 5pm.

Then we’re going to do another of those double header thingies against Leicester the week after. Just because we can.